Fowler Gives Up Shovel For Bat In Fair Trade

Going 4 for 9 in the Rockies/Braves doubleheader, Fowler raised his batting average 25 points to .275.  He added a run and a stolen base.

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Notified prior to the doubleheader that his Player Rater ranking had fallen out of the top ten, Fowler put down the snow shovel he’d been using to help Coors Field’s maintenance crew, and picked up a baseball bat. “It’s time to stop working and have some fun,” Fowler told the crew, who recently nominated him for Business Manager of their union local. And if you don’t think that Fowler knows how to have fun, then you’re a fucking idiot. He swiped a base. For fun. He hit a triple. For fun. He plowed his way back into the top ten Player Rater rankings. For business. Because Dexter Fowler means business when it comes to having fun.

Fowler Makes Successful Seven-Inning Managerial Debut

Still dealing with soreness in his left foot, Fowler was not in the lineup on Sunday.

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While foot soreness was perhaps partially what held Fowler out of the lineup on Sunday, it was later revealed that manager Walt Weiss was seen wandering downtown Denver in an old Oakland A's uniform at gametime.  With no manager in sight, Fowler took the reins and set Sunday's lineup, omitting himself to kindly "give others a chance to play this great game." In his managerial debut, Fowler coached the Rockies to a quick lead, only to see Walt Weiss stumble into the dugout midway through the game, still in his Oakland A's jersey. Weiss then re-took control of the helm in the eighth inning, rearranging Fowler's lineup by inserting Carney Lansford, Willie Randolph, and Terry Steinbach while bringing in a 58-year old Dennis Eckersley who subsequently blew his first save in twenty years. When asked about these questionable moves that led to the destruction of Fowler's managerial masterpiece, Rickey Henderson stepped in to answer all questions on behalf of both Weiss and Rickey Henderson. 

Dexter Claus Quietly Gives A Couple Little Gifts

With an 0 for 3 night, Fowler now has consecutive hitless games. He did, however, score a run and add a stolen base to his hitless night.

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Digging into his bag of goodies, Dexter Claus produced a couple of nifty gifts to prove that a) his bag is never empty, and b) even during recession-esque games, kids will not go presentless. Much like his jolly December counterpart, Dexter Claus flew under the radar last night and will probably continue to do so until Major League Baseball develops its own version of NORAD to track his journey straight into the 2013 All Star Game. For now, simply sit back and enjoy seeing what others can't: that valuable present hidden in the corner of the living room that turns out to be second base. Because when Dexter Claus steals second base, he takes the actual base.

Ghost Man Warms Cold Coors Field

Fowler posted an 0 for 4 night, dropping his average to .263.

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Still playing in sub-zero Colorado temperatures, Fowler warmed his teammates up by cooling himself down by performing what he ostensibly referred to as a "ghost reversal." This term, while unknown to the general population, is commonly-used amongst the paranormal community. Fowler's usage of such vocabulary and ensuing demonstration of it only goes to show his ability to shift between the different frequencies of alternate worlds. It can now be safely assumed that Fowler exists as both ghost and man. Ghost Man.

Fowler Catalyzes Historic 1988 World Series Moment With Late-Inning Home Run

In his return to the starting lineup, Fowler went 1 for 5, smacking a home run in the eighth-inning and scoring three runs to boot.

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Boot was just what he wasn't wearing. His sore left foot hampered him not early on, as Fowler scampered the basepaths like a man-child and scored his owners (both real and fantasy) two runs early. Feeling his foot grow stubborn in later innings to the point that he could no longer run, Fowler dialed up Kirk Gibson. Literally, he dialed up Kirk Gibson and said, "Kirk! Kirk, it's Dexter. Your COUSIN, Dexter Fowler. You know that one-footed home run you been lookin' for? Well check this out!" And then Fowler proceeded to club a home run on his club foot so Kirk could see on how it's done, go back in time, and do the same in the 1988 World Series. So essentially, Fowler played a role in the 1988 World Series today.

MLB Looks to Fowler, Then Contacts NBC

Wednesday's game against the Mets was postponed. Fowler wasn't in the lineup, however, and is still day-to-day.

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Upon being presented with the lineup cards prior to gametime, the umpires conferred with each other through momentary facial expressions and unanimously decided to postpone the game due to "A little bit of rain and Dexter Fowler not being in the lineup." This, if anything, should indicate just how central Fowler has become to Major League Baseball. Don't be surprised if the Rockies begin appearing regularly on national networks once Fowler returns to the starting lineup.

Missing from Starting Lineup, Fowler Could Make Interesting Decisions About Sore Left Foot

Fowler is being held out of Tuesday's contests due to a sore left foot and is considered day-to-day. 

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Fowler's absence from the starting lineup in Tuesday's doubleheader is not a reliable indication that he will not play at all.  With just a sore left foot, Fowler may choose to amputate his own foot thereby ridding himself of the minor injury in order to then knock a late-inning hanging curveball out of the park from his stump.  Feel free to keep him in your lineup if you would be satisfied with a 1 for 1 day and that he would be playing the remainder of the season without a left foot.