Sunday, June 16, 2013

Fowler Patches Up Crack In Liberty Bell

Currently day-to-day from being hit on the hand by Ross Detweiler, Fowler did not play on Saturday against the Phillies and is likely to be out for Sunday's afternoon game as well.

Spin:

On a bright, blue-skied Saturday, the ever judicious Dexter Fowler elected to use his recovery time for the betterment of our great nation's first capital, Philadelphia. No, he did not use it to lay more cobblestone although that certainly was one of his top options. Instead, he chose to pluck his welding helmet and torch off his workbench in order to set about righting a bell that has been busted longer than Rocky's face. Donning none other than his Dickies work clothes, Fowler worked through the afternoon enduring heat not in the form of sun, but in the form of slurs, insults, and personal affronts which served to incorporate him into Philadelphia's brotherly love culture. Upon mending the Liberty Bell so that it rung for only the second time in its crappy-made history, Fowler was celebrated across Philadelphia by having beers thrown on him, being showered with self-induced projectile vomit, and being pegged multiple times by snowballs even though it's the month of June. Philadelphia held true to their reputation of brotherly love, an often times misunderstood term, when a fellow who was not from Philadelphia began slandering Fowler.  In a protective rage, Philadelphians knocked the fellow's balls up into his mouth while confrontationally informing him that, "YO - BUDDY - only wer allowed ta give Fowls a hard time. Not no outsiders like youze, chief." Through that endorsement, Fowler became initiated as an official brother of the great city of Philadelphia in that nobody but Philadelphia is allowed to abuse him.

And if you're wondering how Dexter Fowler was in Philadelphia when the Rockies/Phillies game was being played in Colorado, it's because Dexter Fowler is everywhere at once. You should already know that.

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