Fowler retreated to his spartan cabin in the woods where he exorcised the world during the All-Star game he should've been going 4 for 4 with 5 home runs in. The extra home run would've been for free.
Spin:
Fans missed seeing Fowler put on the hitting display of Willie Mays Hayes' dreams by electing not to elect him to the National League All-Star team. Sources say that the reason for this unsportsmanlike conduct was committed under the duress of the bus that is Bryce Harper. Intimidating voters into ignoring things like statistics and well-developed viewpoints, the bus that is Bryce Harper was seen driving around the country with Florida plates and a sack full of coercion. FowlerBalls made a full-fledged attempt at derailing the bus by eliciting Keanu Reeves' expertise only to find out that actors are only pretending to have the expertise they have in the films we watch. This left the bus that is Bryce Harper to continue at its reckless clip along the LA freeway and on across the country with nothing to answer for, not even the number of at-bats he had prior to being voted an All-Star (169? Seriously??).
Fowler took the repeat beating graciously, however, prompting theologians over the globe to accurately concur that God is, in fact, a forgiving God and not a condemning God. Fowler then reinforced this awareness by raising his palms to the sky, summoning a white light from the heavens, and proclaiming "Truly, truly, I say to you, let he who believes in me open the gates of FowlerBalls to other players with stories of merit." (Dexter 1:24)
And with this proclamation, Fowler has compassionately unlocked FowlerBalls in order for others to gain His glory. Such munificence perfectly defied the evil done unto Him by responding to this evil with acts of good will.
So instead of playing in the All-Star Game, Dexter Fowler spent his time undoing the devil.
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