After hitting a double and scoring a run, Fowler was drilled in the hand by Ross Detweiler, a pitcher for the Nationals who was acting only out of coercion.
Spin:
The bus that is Bryce Harper struck Fowler again on Thursday, this time in the form of rocket to the hand as he was attempting to bunt, which is another way of saying "sacrifice his life for democracy." Parts of the rocket were later recovered and revealed a hammer and sickle etched into various sections. This led authorities to deduce two things. One, the Soviet Union is still alive and still without food. Two, the Soviet Union wants to neutralize Dexter Fowler. But what the Soviet Union's intel failed to produce prior to Operation Fuck-up Fowler was that Fowler is actually bionic - part man, part super-being. This failure can only be because the Soviet Union does not read FowlerBalls. And so their shameful exercise on Thursday was nothing more than a reminder that Dexter Fowler has the capability of catching rockets with his bare hand.
The disappearance of Roger Clemens was later reported.
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