NYSE: DF Surges After Strong May 18th COB Earnings Release

Dexter Fowler had a monster night, going 3 for 5 with three runs scored, two RBI, and one stolen base.

Spin:

Dexter Fowler, Inc. (NYSE: DF), the only corporation to issue daily earnings releases, spiked when trading opened this morning after reporting massive gains on the night May 18th. Fantasy owners who have stuck with DF or bought low were rewarded handsomely with fistfuls of green and were seen prancing around Wall Street in leprechaun outfits in celebration of having found a proverbial pot of gold. This strange, somewhat impish manner of rejoice in turn led to a sharp rise in General Mills, Inc. (NYSE: GIS) as folks took to markets everywhere and ravaged all supplies of Lucky Charms cereal. In light of this odd symbiotic relationship with cereal, Fowler is anticipating having to autograph hundreds of boxes of Lucky Charms prior to Sunday's game and has preemptively requested that fans not throw the marshmallows onto the field unless they're aiming for his mouth.